I would like my kids to make their beds every morning. I would like this habit to be ingrained in them in such a way that I do not have to ask them or remind them to do it. Sometimes I find that I seem to be reminding them to make their beds every single day. Several times a day. Must I make my bed everyday? Their body language seems to say… after all, I am the one who is sleeping in it? The bed is in my room…And I want to tell them, yes you must make your bed. But not that kind of a must.
Allow me to illustrate. When you go away on a holiday to a classy resort or lodge, what would happen when you walk into the room that you had booked only to find an unmade bed? How likely are you to complain or leave a disapproving review? I stopped in my writing to ask my kids if they would be surprised if this was to happen to them. This is what my youngest said, “I would be surprised but I would not ask why.” Why would he be surprised? His answer “A classy hotel should make beds to make the customer feel welcome and warm so that they come back and they(hoteliers) can make more money.” My next question to him was “does your value as a person change when you visit the hotel?” Him “Nooo”… hesitantly, because he knew there was a lesson buried somewhere in there that he could not see yet and he was sure he was setting himself up. Me: “so why don’t you make your bed every day?”. I need my kids to understand that they must make their beds, but not that kind of must.
E J Carnell puts it this way in his book The Christian Commitment “Suppose a husband asks his wife if he must kiss her goodnight. Her answer is, ‘You must, but not that kind of a must’. What she means is this,’Unless a spontaneous affection for my person motivates you, your overtures are stripped off all moral value’ ” Kiss me goodnight every night, she seems to be saying, from the overflow of your love, not because you are obliged to. Not because it is a thing that must be done because it is nighttime and I asked you to do it, but because it is what your heart led you to do every night.
Two kinds of musts.
I have another illustration from the bible where Jesus shows preference of one type of must over another.
‘As Jesus started on his way, a man ran up to him and fell on his knees before him. “Good teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, you shall not defraud, honor your father and mother.’ ” “Teacher,” he declared, “all these I have kept since I was a boy.” Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. ‘ Mark 10:17-22 NIV
For a long while I have read this story and wished I had been there to ask for more details about the rich young man. I have wondered about his back story. Could he have come from a poor family, had to drop out of school and get involved in merchant trade earlier than normal to help his parents make ends meet? Did he prove himself as a good, honest and hardworking worker? Did his employer like him and make him partner then later sold his business to him? Was he making money and using the proceeds to settle his father’s debts, pay his mother’s medical fees, purchase houses and farms for his siblings and pay tuition for his relatives? Had he built up the business and employed tens of employees? Was he also contributing large sums of money towards his town’s infrastructure? Could he have been sad walking away thinking what would happen to all who depended upon him if he sold everything?
I am starting to realize that as much as I spend time imagining the backstory, I need to also focus on Jesus and what he is saying. To the question “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” it appears to me that Jesus gave him an answer that sounds a lot like “you must, but not that kind of must”. Jesus had the young ruler confirm that he had followed the commandments. The young man responded that he had not committed murder or adultery, he had not stolen or lied and had honored his parents. However, the next part of what Jesus asked of him was to confirm where his heart was. Had the young man done all these things as an outflow of his relationship with God? Jesus that when the young man had a relationship with God and was delighting in this, he would be drawn towards pleasing God and to be a part of what God is doing. He would find that because of the influence from time spent with Jesus, he (the young man) would image him (behave like Jesus) subconsciously. His heart and relationship with Jesus would paint his actions where before regulation was behind his actions.
To us to the challenge is passed. Must we arrive at work at 8am every day? Must we work on that task right now? Must we make our beds everyday, after all we are the ones to sleep in it? Must we wake up at 4:30 ever morning for one hour prayer sessions?
I do not know what question you have that has the words “must I”, however, I am fairly certain that the answer will be Yes you must. But not that kind of a must.